First World Problems

Dear Old Phart:

As a young Millennial,  I come to you seeking enlightenment. Our president exists. I honestly don’t get it. My Millenial friends’ outlook and basic faith in humanity diminish every day.  I can’t help thinking that Trump will be the defining event in my generation, in a bad, soul-crushing way.

You lived through the Nixon, Clinton, and numerous other scandal clad administrations. Is there any hope that our president will be impeached or resign? Am I in denial in thinking that anything will ever stick to this guy; no matter what happens, nothing seems to affect him. Should I keep the faith? Or should I move on and adopt a cynical view of society?

Sincerely,
Impeaches and Cream

Dear Impeaches and Cream:

Times of social unrest, despair and upheaval often result in the creation of society changing movements. For example the 60’s and 70’s resulted in an explosion of new music, new art and new ways of expressing oneself.  Some of the greatest pieces of bathroom grafitti arose during the depths of the Vietnam war, civil rights protests, and violent urban revolution.  When President Richard Nixon was running for  re-election, I remember sitting in the stall of my high school bathroom  and reading this gem: “Don’t change dicks in the middle of a screw. Vote for Nixon in ’72.”

Don’t get your panties in a bunch over the current state of craziness. Put things in perspective. As blogger Jessica Hagy points out, while much of the world is worried about hunger, rape and cholera, Americans are bothered that someone put too much goat cheese in their salad.

Don’t feel cynical about society! That’s what “they” want you to do. Did you know in the last election there was a special group of people whose job was to post stuff on social media to make Millennials feel discouraged? They want to take you out of the process. If you give up, they win!

And you can’t give up. You have to engage, fight the power, be a productive member of society and work for social change.

Especially take note of the above mentioned advice about being a productive member of society. You gotta be man, after all, whose going to pay for my Social Security?

Old Phart

Oh Gawd God!

Dear God,

I have prayed to you my whole life. I deeply believe in you and your greatness. I am overawed by your majesty. However sometimes I wonder what you are thinking when bad things happen. Are you just testing us?

True Believer

 

Dear True Believer:

First, I am not God. Your letter must have gotten mixed-up at the post office.

Second, unlike God, you can see me, feel me, touch me, and when I don’t change my socks, you can smell me too.

Third, I do not have God’s current address…he keeps moving. The last address I had for him was Salt Lake City but he left when Mitt Romney lost the Presidency. Rumor has it that he is now sharing an address with the Devil in Trump Tower but I understand through well-placed sources that this address might not be good for long. So instead of relying on the post office to deliver your letter to the right recipient (I don’t want the Devil  to get it by mistake), I will try and answer your question.

There is an ancient Hebrew prayer called the Shema. The English translation of the prayer is:”Hear O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is One.” The question is, the Lord is One what?

Is the Lord One Great Guy as miracles do happen?

Is the Lord One Big Shmuck as tragedies do occur?

Is the Lord One Ton A Mera? (He’s Hispanic!)

Is the Lord One Toke Over The Line? (He’s a stoner!)

Is the Lord One Mother Mary who comes to me? If so…let it be, let it be.

So here’s the rub. Religion tries to tell you who God is. In reality, God is whoever you want Him/Her to be.

You won’t believe it but I just finished talking to God. He’s a middle age American male who works a 40 hour week, makes $58,000 a year and gets a pension after 30 years. Yup, he’s the postman who delivered your letter to me. 🙂

Old Phart

Dolt 45

Dear Old Phart:

Is there any way to put 45 (President Trump-45th President) back in his mother’s vagina (poonburger)?

Irreverent Reverend

Dear Irreverrent Reverend:

Sister, there’s not enough lube in the world to squeeze that ego inflated cranium back into the primordial swamp from which it oozed.

All I can say is that I agree with what  HBO talk show host Bill Maher stated about the last Presidential election.  When asked if he voted for Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton he replied: “I didn’t vote for that whiney bitch. I voted for Hillary.”

Old Phart

Is History Important?

Dear Old Phart,

My college roommate and I were engaged in a late night discussion on whether history is important. He argued it was and used the old bromide that “those who ignore history are doomed to repeat it.” I countered that in this age of “fake facts” and instantaneous communication, words are not worth the paper they used to be written on.

What say you?

Yes We Were Stoned

Dear Yes We Were Stoned,

The short answer to your question is that history is important to history teachers but history teachers do not make history. Neither do history majors– unless they get a job in a field other than their major.

History is only important in a social darwinistic sense; that is, you do something based on what others have done or not done (history) that changes how both you and others act or react (making history).

For instance, let’s say you are not as smart as a history major but you inherit a large sum of money.

With this money you make investments and based upon your family legacy,  people and banks give you more money. Over time people believe that you have a history of successful investment so they start to throw ever larger sums of money at you.

Then you convince people that not only are you smarter than a history major, but you are smarter than those who write the first draft of history–journalists.

When you convince all these people how smart you are, even though you’re not, then you can become President of the United States.   Now that’s making history!

And that’s why you now find yourself living  in the Stoned Age.

Old Phart