Does Jesus Love Me?

Dear Old Phart,

Lately I feel depressed. I have always been religious but the way my life has been going lately, I have  my doubts. Does Jesus really love me?

Questioning

Dear Questioning,

It is natural to question your faith. One can learn religion but one has to find God.

Luckily, I have an easy and reliable test to determine if Jesus loves you. Send a large sum of money to me. Preferably more than you can afford. If something good happens to you after you do this, then Jesus loves you. If your life doesn’t change, than Jesus loves me.

Old Phart