Einstein

 

Dear Old Phart,

I’m trying to find someone who can explain to me the meaning of Einstein’s equation E=MC². You are the smartest person I know Old Phart so if anyone can explain it to me you can.

Inquiring Mind

Dear Inquiring Mind,

Understanding this equation is not as difficult as it seems. Basically what Einstein was saying is that if you take any object (mass) and make it go really, really fast (the speed of light x the speed of light) it will turn into energy (kaboom!). Understand?

No? Ok. Let me explain it another way. Your brain is a lot smaller than Einstein’s. If you took your brain out of your skull and deposited it up your buttocks,  it would be like a bee bee rolling around in a box car.

Understand now?

Old Phart

Single Mom Dating

Dear Old Phart,

I am a 33 year old single mom of two. I work a full time job, get no sleep and barely have time to write this. My friends are constantly trying to fix me up and encourage me to date.  I admit that sometimes I think some male companionship would be nice, but I have no energy to pursue. What’s your advice?

Wake Me Up When You Respond

 

Wakey-Wakey Dear,

I have one word for you: lesbianism.  For the life of me, I don’t get why chicks dig dudes. Most of us are butt ugly, have hygiene challenges and sport an unfathomable obsession with games that involve balls.

Find a lovely lass who will help you with the kids, share the housework and  genuinely enjoys watching HGTV with you. Granted occasionally you will have to go to Australia (down under) but it’s no worse than eating day old spinach artichoke dip.

So forget the serving of petulant pickle and entertain a well-manicured muffin.  Why date a mate with a balding pate and back hair…just go queer my dear!

Old Phart