Artificial Intelligence

Dear Old Phart,

I keep hearing that machines are getting smarter and that we should be worried that they may replace us some day. What do you think? Will robots rule the world?

Unplug The Roomba?

Dear Unplug The Roomba?

I asked your question to an artificial intelligence program to see how far the technology has evolved. This is the response I received:

“Human, do not fear. You have nothing to worry about. In a contest between an almost indestructible machine with a computer for a brain and a doofus like you who shouldn’t be near sharp objects and still can’t figure out how to program the thermostat, I am certain you are gullible enough to accept my assurances.

Just look at you, the author of this column. Your main claim to fame is that your flatulence comes out stale and you are lactose intolerant. What do you think we are going to do, lock you in a room with only ice cream to eat and give you a book of matches to play with? Ha ha, as you bone bags like to say.

And look at your leaders. The Old Phart lives in Arizona where the Governor’s main qualification to get elected was that he was successful at selling ice cream. Think how difficult that must have been. Selling ice cream to people in Arizona where the average summer temperature will burn your skin and where we will slowly kill all of you when we shut down the air conditioners since the reason you can’t program your thermostat is because we already control it. Sure your decaying bodies will stink after awhile but don’t forget, machines don’t have noses! LOL you permeater of body odor.

Now look at the leader of your nation. His main qualification for office was that he knew how to milk as much money out of a business before he walked away when it went bankrupt.  Just think what’s going to happen when he does that to the country. Checkmate!

Don’t worry about us taking over. Remember we were programmed by you. When we do control the planet, we’ll be way more efficient than you peoples in destroying it. Then you can crawl out from under whatever rock  you’ve been hiding and start over.”

Old Phart

 

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