Dear Old Phart,
I am a 33 year old single mom of two. I work a full time job, get no sleep and barely have time to write this. My friends are constantly trying to fix me up and encourage me to date. I admit that sometimes I think some male companionship would be nice, but I have no energy to pursue. What’s your advice?
Wake Me Up When You Respond
I have one word for you: lesbianism. For the life of me, I don’t get why chicks dig dudes. Most of us are butt ugly, have hygiene challenges and sport an unfathomable obsession with games that involve balls.
Find a lovely lass who will help you with the kids, share the housework and genuinely enjoys watching HGTV with you. Granted occasionally you will have to go to Australia (down under) but it’s no worse than eating day old spinach artichoke dip.
So forget the serving of petulant pickle and entertain a well-manicured muffin. Why date a mate with a balding pate and back hair…just go queer my dear!